either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
