Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
this boner is exhausting
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
