i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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