Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
