It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
