i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
