According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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