I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
