Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
