The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
