I am in a vortex of obligation.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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