i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize
