I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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