It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
