that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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