I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
