well I can't set my house on fire every night
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
