tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
