he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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