The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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