my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i came on her dog
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
