Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
