I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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