Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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