I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I need water and some morals
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
