**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
