Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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