the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
