so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
