I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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