if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm always down for nudity.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
