Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
