***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Where is the hickey?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
