I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
