You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
