I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
