i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
