And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
