Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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