YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
