Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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