my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
