Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
