The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
