Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
