omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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