Don't you send me to vm
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
