we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
