"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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