the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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